LEFTY

Right-Handed and Proud

By Alexandra Petri

I'm right-handed, and I am proud.

Today, August 13th, marks yet another victory in one of the most sensationally successful PR campaigns of all time: the campaign for left-handers. Many minorities still struggle against negative stereotypes. There are "dumb blondes" and those minefield clusters of adjectives such as "hard-drinking Irishman" that The Post's ombudsman pointed out this Sunday. Not lefties.

Ask anyone to describe "left-handers" to you, and you will be drowned in comments such as "more creative," "more eloquent," "more attractive," "more intelligent." Sure, "seem to have difficulty finding a pair of scissors" is one, but lefties are one of the most positively perceived groups out there.

Just look at the history books. Left-handed children can look up to people such as Gandhi, Joan of Arc, Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great. We right-handers are stuck writing our book reports on Stalin and John Wayne Gacy. Presidents? Left-handers include Bill Clinton, Harry Truman, and, often, Ronald Reagan. Righties get Warren G. Harding and Millard Fillmore.

Today, more than ever, the message is clear: Lefties win. Righties lose. Barack Obama is left-handed. John McCain is right-handed. Angelina Jolie? Lefty. Jennifer Aniston? Right-handed.

And today is National Left-Handers Day. Give me a break! Every day is National Left-Handers Day. Sure, it's more difficult for left-handers to use notepads, computers and can-openers. But look at all they've managed to accomplish even so. If it weren't for the scissors, they'd have taken over the world.

Update: Octopi213 is right to point out that even America's most prominent political loser, John McCain, is a southpaw. And as daphne5 observed, this isn't the first time left-handers have dominated presidential competition -- that was 1992, when H. Ross Perot, George H.W. Bush, and Bill Clinton all favored their left hands. In the presidential ring, left-handers don't just beat the competition -- they are the competition.

I AM PROUD TO BE A LEFTY